Joys and Sorrows

Several years ago I read a dharma talk by P'arang Geri Larkin and she mentioned a Chinese temple with a sign above it that read "ten thousand joys, ten thousand sorrows".  For the last few days that has been a constant thought in my mind.  Ten thousand joys, ten thousand sorrows.  I can look at it from a big picture and see the beauty--that is the stuff that life is made of...but my weak side trips over the sorrows part.

My cat is probably dying.  We haven't actually been told that yet, we've been told that he'll need a long course of antibiotics.  I just have a feeling.  And I don't like having that feeling.  I try to be a positive person, but I take ten steps back when it comes to situations like these.  I can't even type any more about it because my mind simply can't process everything yet.

And then there are ten thousand joys...my toddler is amazing.  Well really he's a lunatic.  An amazing lunatic.  The past few months have been really difficult as he has entered the stage of temper tantrums.  As a naive new mom I thought that if I did xyz (held him, constant contact, listened to his needs) then MY child would NEVER have temper tantrums.  HA!  Think again, mama!  I did and do all of those things.  And Little Man still has amazing stamina to scream at me several times a day.  I know we just have to get through it.  He is asserting his own will and independence, and that is actually a really cool thing when I stop to think about it.  My parents gleefully tell me that I was the same way at his age.  But amidst all of the screaming and craziness, a very cool little guy is emerging.  He's starting to grow up.  At 2 1/2 years old he is starting to look more like a little boy than a baby.  Yesterday he was drawing on his chalkboard, and he started to tell me about his drawing.  The funny skeleton was dancing (he's obsessed with calaveras), and the birds were looking at the funny skeleton and laughing.  All of these things created by his imagination, how wonderful!  I get to see these things every day, I get to see him grow and change (and scream at me, but I guess that's part of it.)

Then there's my crazy little baby.  Seven months old and determined to walk so he can chase his big brother!  He has the cutest scrunchy-nosed smile I have ever seen, and that smile greets me first thing every morning.

Next week I am going to speak with an admissions counselor at the myomassology school I want to attend.  I can't believe how excited I am about this.

So I have so much to be thankful for, so much to look forward to, yet I keep tripping over the sorrows.  I have never typed this much on this particular blog and I think I just needed to try to process.  So if anyone is reading this, thanks for staying with me this far!