Yesterday I had my long-awaited appointment at the myomassology school.  As I expected, the place is wonderful.  Everything seemed almost too good to be true--students in the hallway smiling and greeting me, the admissions counselor telling me about the Waldorf school she sent her own kids to, the warm feeling of peace and serenity that filled the whole place.  I was so excited that if I could have, I would have enrolled right then and there.

But then reality set in...the program is meant to be finished in one year.  Meaning, classes are scheduled for full days three times per week.  What that means is that I would be away from my kids, for 3 full days a week.  It has been so important to me to be a stay-at-home mom for my kids, but I also have been, for whatever reason, so impatient to start this program.  Long story short, I choose to stay with my boys.  They'll only be little once.

All of this has forced me to examine why I am so anxious to start this program.  I've always wanted to be a healer, so I guess that's my answer right there.  But why am I feeling so drawn to it now?  Why am I so disappointed that it won't work out for me right now, even though I now that it will in a few years?

The good news is that there is a compromise.  The program itself requires 650 credit hours, but the schools allows for 60 elective hours to be completed before formal enrollment.  So I think that I will take a couple of electives this winter, just for my own enrichment and to get a feel for the program.

In the meantime, I will continue to be a stay-at-home mama.

We have some great artists in my community.  I would like to see the artists' take on what our city could look like if everyone ( homeowners, business owners, builders, etc.) was as environmentally responsible as possible.  I would like these pieces to be created from sustainable materials.

I would print a message and nothing else: "Do you really need this?"

I think that the role of the media should be to provide balanced, well-documented and researched information to the public.  All sides of an issue should be presented objectively.  Media literacy is something that is becoming increasingly urgent in the education of our children.

My perfect work environment would be one in which I had plenty of space to myself as well as the opportunity to work with others when needed.  I like to listen to music while I work, as well as NPR greats such as "Fresh Air" or "This American Life".  I once worked in a very comfortable office, and this is what keeps coming to mind as an ideal work environment.  We were in a very old beautiful building downtown Detroit, and our suite had 12 offices.  There were two people in each office, and each room had an amazing view of the skyscape.  Our offices were within walking distance to good food and coffee.  The work day, for me at least, goes much quicker and more enjoyable if I have some of my comforts.

The need to be right.

First, my husband and my kids.  I would burn their images into my memory.  Then I would want to look at my parents and brothers.  After that I would want to somehow look at a newborn baby one more time.  I would also like to see a sunrise and a sunset, and take in all of the nuances of light turning into dark.

I don't know if I had just one.  The earliest memory I have of absolutely loving a story is the book "The Trouble With Miss Switch" by Barbara Brooks Wallace.  We lived right next door to a public library , and the library became my "secret lair", where I would go and read for hours with no little brothers running around and screaming!  Anyhow, this book was about a school teacher who was also a witch.  Two of her students discovered her secret and would go on magical adventures to defeat the doings of an evil warlock.  I know I read that book over and over again.  Soon it would become an animated weekend special on TV, and that actually made it even cooler to me.  I remember thinking I wanted to look just like Miss Switch when I grew up!  I'm not sure exactly what it was about that story that captivated me--maybe the combination of discovering magic in the ordinary, with a little spookiness added in for fun.

Definitely children!  Children have not grown into the same skepticism that we as adults have.  They still have access to something magical, something spiritual, without much effort.  I am lucky to be able to witness this every day.  Their innocence reminds me to smile more, to laugh more, and to see things without pretense.

I check my e-mail first.  E-mail usually leads me to Q&R here at Zaadz, then on to click at the Hunger Site, then if I still have time I check out my area's forum on Mothering.com.

My browser is set to boring...it opens to Google. :) 

Ha!  I know all of the mothers and fathers of young children here will know the more appropriate question is, "when was the last time you SLEPT all night?"

Ugh, this is a hard one for me.  As a former teacher, I am quite jaded with the American education system.  So let's see, a "good" education, IMO...is one that is led by the student's own curiosity and inquiries, is well-rounded, and is not based on empirical data such as test scores.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do when my boys are school-age.  Until then, I think that the best "education" they can get is just to play and learn about the world in that way.

Absolutely there is connection between the two.  In fact, I don't think we can truly separate one from the other.  I think I've always been a spiritually aware (and spiritually confused) being.  Part of connecting with my spirit is seeing the spirit in what is around me...the sky, the trees, the dirt, the animals, my fellow human beings.  Environmental awareness, in my opinion, is a result of spiritual awareness.

My husband and I have been together for ten years now, married for seven.  This has taught me that relationships are living, breathing entities.  They change, they grow, and in our case, they become stronger and more meaningful.  I am lucky to have fallen in love with him all over again many, many times in the course of the last decade. 

Conversation is the first thing that comes to mind.  Reading is another.  If I wanted to be truly productive and healthy, I would replace my TV time with yoga! (Except for Thursday nights...can't miss "The Office"!)

Yesterday we ate out ,but on Saturday I baked bread and brownies from scratch.  I love baking.  I do have some mental block against following directions in a recipe so I tend to change things up and just hope they work out--lucky for me, most of the time, they do!  I like baking from scratch because I know exactly what goes into what I am making and where it came from.

Positive vibes, prayers, lovingkindness...I'll take whatever you've got.  My kitty is sick and has stopped eating.  Tomorrow we will go to the vet, today I need to get him to eat something.

I just wanted to thank everyone who sent love and healing energy to my cat, Eddie.  About 1/2 hour after my last blog entry, Eddie passed peacefully.  He was laying in his favorite spot, by the rocker in the nursery.  My heart aches and I already miss him, but I am so happy that he was able to die at home, in his favorite comfortable spot around people and another kitty who love him.

Several years ago I read a dharma talk by P'arang Geri Larkin and she mentioned a Chinese temple with a sign above it that read "ten thousand joys, ten thousand sorrows".  For the last few days that has been a constant thought in my mind.  Ten thousand joys, ten thousand sorrows.  I can look at it from a big picture and see the beauty--that is the stuff that life is made of...but my weak side trips over the sorrows part.

My cat is probably dying.  We haven't actually been told that yet, we've been told that he'll need a long course of antibiotics.  I just have a feeling.  And I don't like having that feeling.  I try to be a positive person, but I take ten steps back when it comes to situations like these.  I can't even type any more about it because my mind simply can't process everything yet.

And then there are ten thousand joys...my toddler is amazing.  Well really he's a lunatic.  An amazing lunatic.  The past few months have been really difficult as he has entered the stage of temper tantrums.  As a naive new mom I thought that if I did xyz (held him, constant contact, listened to his needs) then MY child would NEVER have temper tantrums.  HA!  Think again, mama!  I did and do all of those things.  And Little Man still has amazing stamina to scream at me several times a day.  I know we just have to get through it.  He is asserting his own will and independence, and that is actually a really cool thing when I stop to think about it.  My parents gleefully tell me that I was the same way at his age.  But amidst all of the screaming and craziness, a very cool little guy is emerging.  He's starting to grow up.  At 2 1/2 years old he is starting to look more like a little boy than a baby.  Yesterday he was drawing on his chalkboard, and he started to tell me about his drawing.  The funny skeleton was dancing (he's obsessed with calaveras), and the birds were looking at the funny skeleton and laughing.  All of these things created by his imagination, how wonderful!  I get to see these things every day, I get to see him grow and change (and scream at me, but I guess that's part of it.)

Then there's my crazy little baby.  Seven months old and determined to walk so he can chase his big brother!  He has the cutest scrunchy-nosed smile I have ever seen, and that smile greets me first thing every morning.

Next week I am going to speak with an admissions counselor at the myomassology school I want to attend.  I can't believe how excited I am about this.

So I have so much to be thankful for, so much to look forward to, yet I keep tripping over the sorrows.  I have never typed this much on this particular blog and I think I just needed to try to process.  So if anyone is reading this, thanks for staying with me this far!

I'm going to go finish some of the dishes I was too tired to do last night.  I will turn on the parade (on TV) as I've been hyping it up to my toddler, and get the kids dressed.  After we eat breakfast, I'll start cooking for the big dinner!  Have a wonderful day everyone!

I've been tagged by Debi at http://herewego.zaadz.com/blog.  Looks like almost everyone has been tagged at least once, so here are my seven things and if you're reading this and have not yet been tagged and would like to be, consider yourself tagged by me...

Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.

2. Post these rules on your blog.

3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.

4. Tag seven random [?] people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.

5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog. or shout-out wall

Seven Random Things About Me (that I'm sure you were all dying to know):

1)  I love chocolate so much that I dream about it.
2)  I hate shopping at stores but love online shopping.
3)  "Yo Gabba Gabba" is my new favorite TV show.
4)  I hope to have one more child someday.
5)  I used to be a flamenco dancer.
6)  My all-time favorite song is "Moon River".
7)  I really miss caffeine.